FOLLOW; I FOLLOW BACK
"BONES ARE BEAUTIFUL, LET THEM SHOW"
please be aware this is triggering and nobody should have to deal with this awful disorder so please don’t look for advice
I really just want to be a fucking skeleton....
It started off where I just wanted to lose weight… and thought to maybe look up some tips on “how to be anorexic”. I knew I wanted to lose weight and loved when I started to see results, but I didn’t know how much I actually wanted to lose or when I should stop cause it got to the point where I couldn’t…
It started in june of 10’ and I’ve been battling anorexia since.
My eating disorder has gotten really crazy to where I fast any time possible for as long as possible which is usually between 1-3 days. I never ever ever will eat in the morning cause I get up, go to school, don’t eat at school, come home and if I have to eat dinner with the family then I will say I ate a lot at school and eat very little or nothing and just get away with another fast. I only eat in public for people to see that I “eat” so they don’t talk about me but whatever that food was, it will be the food for the day.
I have this constant voice in my head about food usually telling me what meal is next and if should I eat? (no), will I eat? (no), will they notice if I don’t eat? (ill just "eat" in my room and then flush it down the toilet)
I’m honestly so sick and annoyed with the idea of ALWAYS thinking about food and counting numbers...but I love the feeling of being hungry, I get dizzy and its awesome as crazy and sick as that sounds...but I love seeing my bones too much to stop this all and I cant help myself since I can never put anything in my mouth without thinking about calories and gaining weight, so to avoid it I just starve but I love it and cant control myself anymore.
I started to eat more for a short period of time but I hate not being to fit in my jeans or anything as easily and I missed that stomach growling feeling. I finally opened up to my boyfriend and 2 best friends about my problem and they all already knew they said and told me how beautiful I was and to just tell them anytime I needed help…I’m going back to my old habits and I don’t want them to confront me about anything since they know what I’ve been through…honestly I’m scared.
my life is in ana's hands now, shes got complete control.
and I do not wish any eating disorder upon anyone, it isn’t a joke and will haunt you for the rest of your life.
